I want to start out this post by saying that this prompt led to some of the best writing, from a bunch of talented writers, that I've received yet! I had the hardest time narrowing it down to just four submissions to post on here. So really, a huge thank you to all of you! You are IMMENSELY talented and, in fact, I fear now you'll be disappointed by the actual "real" beginning of the Spindlers. Ha! I'm going to have to have you all ghost write my books more often. ;)
Untitled by Samuel Szetela
He was, in fact, a Spindle. Of course, Liza had no way of actually knowing that the lanky, skinny, shifty thing that used to be Patrick was something called a Spindle. But make no mistake, that’s exactly what Patrick had become.
He announced his new identity by leaning over Liza’s puffy-looking, sleeping face. His body swayed back and forth, like a candle flame. He stared until Liza woke up with a start.
Well, it was more like a scream – the kind that can blow out a candle or shatter expensive crystal. Luckily, all Liza had to her name was a duffel bag filled with hand-me-down clothes and an old photo album with faded pictures of her father and mother. The orphanage had strict rules about clutter, after all.
Still, the edges of the photos just may have curled a bit more before Liza’s scream came to an abrupt end when Patrick put his skeletal-like fingers over her mouth.
“Hush now, Liza. It’s me, Patrick.” His eyes glittered mischievously. “A magician was here last night. She said she would help me find out what happened to Mum and Dad in the mines. What do you think? Are you coming with me?”What I love here is that Sam sets up a whole story in these first few sentences. Just from 200 words we are introduced to something called a Spindle (and I love the description!), a world with magicians, and some kind of mystery/tragedy with Liza and Patricks parents. I really want to read the rest of this story!
Untitled by Kristi Chestnutt
It took but two words for her to know something was wrong—two small, tiny, insignificant words that every other normal human being uttered every day of their lives. But not her brother. Not usually. Not ever.
She wasn’t sure which was worse, the way he walked by and casually said “Good morning,” or the way he smiled at her. Smiled! In the morning!
There was no smart remark, no jabbing of his elbow into her back as he walked by, no comment on the outfit she’d picked out to wear for school today. And as tempting as it was to ignore the sudden change of attitude, to just go with it, she couldn’t. Everything about this new easy-going Patrick was wrong. Right down to the way he was eating his pancakes without dripping syrup all over his chin.
Creepy huh? I love the way that this one mixes classic horror elements with comedy. The subtle overnight change of someone you love is a terrifying thing, but the indicators that Kristi uses to demonstrate Patrick's change are so funny. Being polite in the morning? Totally scary!
Untitled by Jamie Borenstein-Laurie
It was a metamorphosis down to his very core, an irrevocable transformation—all, it seemed, in the silence of a single, muggy summer night.
Gone was Patty (a nickname he loathed), the boy without a single care. The outrageously witless and foolhardy younger brother that she knew down to the very last detail of his outlandish dreams. Her partner in crime and trustworthy confidant—thieved away from her before she could truly appreciated his worth.
Now, he was quiet…keeping himself hidden behind a veil of slightly greasy hair and the single (first!) pimple above his left eyebrow.
Now, he shuffled awkwardly on too-long limbs and canoe-sized feet, bulging joints knocking.
Now, he was a creature decidedly teenage-boy-ish…hidden away behind a closed bedroom door, barely offering a word.
And Liza was a lone mourner, yearning for the times when her little brother was…well, little. Patrick the Youthful was nothing but a memory, trapped behind the glass of a dusty picture frame.
This story took an interesting direction with the idea of transformation. I love that instead of a literal sudden physical transformation, it used the opening line to talk about how sudden growing up can feel, even when it's not. It did a great job with interpreting the prompt, it really goes to show how many different places the imagination can go.
Untitled by Kate Ormand
One night when Liza went to bed, Patrick was her chubby, stubby, candy-grubbing and pancake-loving younger brother, who irritated her and amused her both, and the next morning, when she woke up, he was not.
He was the complete opposite of his usual self: he wasn’t annoying; he wasn’t funny; he wasn’t anything. His face was sunken, which wouldn’t be noticeable to the average person, but Liza was his sister and she spotted these things. She could see the way his skin was paler, and the dark rings that hung like gloomy shadows below his eyes.
Patrick sat on a chair at the kitchen table. His dry, thinning hands were placed flat on either side of an empty plate. He wasn’t moving, doing nothing other than staring vacantly ahead at the dreary, beige wallpaper.
“Patrick?” He didn’t answer, didn’t even acknowledge her. She bit her lip. Trying another approach she said: “pancakes for breakfast?”
He would usually jump from his seat at the mention of pancakes. But not today.
Patrick turned his head slowly to face her, there was something almost mechanical about his movements. His eyes didn’t shift, he didn’t blink.
A black spider crawled over his hand and straight up the sleeve of his pajama top. Liza suppressed a scream, her fear of spiders being no secret, but Patrick didn’t flinch. His gaze didn’t even waver.
Again... super creepy! This passage was really terrifying. Kate uses imagery very effectively here to paint a picture of what kind of horrible transformation has overcome Patrick. The spider at the end is an especially wonderful gruesome touch!
