Recently I signed up for google voice. Essentially, when someone calls and leaves me a voice mail, google transcribes it for me and send to me via email and text. At least, that is how the process is supposed to work.
The reality is slightly more problematic, as the transcriptions are so wildly inaccurate that they diverge into dada-esque absurdism. Fortunately, this means that although I will never actually know what someone has called to say, I am treated to a daily dose of nonsense...which never ceases to be endlessly amusing! For your reading pleasure, please find below some recent "transcriptions".
From my friend Claire:
Hey claire and i can get anyway, and I'm just heading over to Paul not be in. I'll be done it 8. So here. Give me a call. I'll try again later tonight we can figure out tomatoes. I'll and palo you'd very excited and I'll talk to you later. Love you bye.
I literally have no idea who this is from:
Hi, It's your site of questions. 9.
From my dad:
Hey Sweetie it's me a call back. So line here in our Love you kid beach for department in Provincetown, with through the listing out on my chest actually give it a try. Pierre, because I can't move dog is asleep another one just Herbert. Anyway home. So yeah, you can get a very. I am life, you are doing some work done taken beach logs, but they were Trudy and I'll see you next week. You know if you.
From my friend Bram, calling to complain about his first transcription:
Yeah, I'd like to call and complain about my transcription. I had a message, It's very important that you we're, and I don't know. Not sure if you guys think that they are. But anyway, we're going to a live bird winner, lunch, dinner or something like that. And if I could you can, weekly, but so I don't know expensive Mr with one or we're gonna get this straightened out and I guess a Friday Network Money.
From a restaurant:
Good afternoon, This is Deborah calling from look on the bed. Hey, I was calling to confirm your reservation with us to worry evening, Thursday cheese 17th at 10:15 for party to you could please give us a call back to reconfirm our telephone number is (212) 925-3797. Thank you.
Thursday cheese?? OMG, it's so good. It's like the longest-running game of ad-libs ever, with google as participant.